Your heart beats faster every time you glance at your phone - has he text? You check every five minutes, to make sure your phone is on silent - so no-one hears it, so no-one suspects that anything is different, anything is wrong. You are tense and nervous with butterflies in your stomach, but then you hear the familiar buzz of your phone. Glancing down you see the word "Sue". It is your own personal code for him, and your heart soars, you can speak to the love of your life!
This is just the tip of the iceberg for people involved in an emotional affair, or involved in emotional infidelity. That wonderful high that comes when you speak to your new love, it seems to be so addictive.
Maybe you have tried to end the emotional affair, and just be friends. You have invested so much emotion, so much time now........he knows you inside out. That means he knows all the right buttons to press, to make you come running back to him.
The fact that it is not right to have an emotional affair has not escaped your notice. It is probably worse than a physical affair in some ways, because it cannot be right to share that innermost place in your heart with another man.
Do you remember a time when you were completely in love with your husband or partner, when you just enjoyed spending time with him, and you felt that you couldn't be happier? You can get that back, you can go back to that place. You know it was fantastic, you were full of love and dreams, you felt happy in your role as wife to him. The wonderful feelings you had have not disappeared forever, you can be happy with him again.
What can you do to end the affair?
* You need to cut off contact with your emotional affair. That has to be totally. If you work in the same office, try to get a transfer, or at least make sure you are on different projects. If necessary speak to someone in human resources, but make sure you are away from him as much as possible.
* It is essential to confess to your husband or partner. Yes, it is very difficult. But remember, the blame is not all yours. In happy fulfilled relationships, people avoid emotional infidelity. The object of your emotional infidelity was fulfilling a need that you have, and it was not being fulfilled in your marriage. You need to think deeply about this, think of a way to explain it to your partner or husband so that he understands, but without apportioning blame.
* You need to be aware that this is a painful thing that you are going to have to go through. There will be emotional pain as you will not have that emotional crutch you have in the object of your affair. You may experience physical pain too. This is because you have become addicted to the emotional "high" of hearing from him, the excitement. Recognise that this will happen to you.
* You will have to feel sad about the emotional infidelity, to grieve it. It provided a need for you. You enjoyed it. The end is not worth the cost. It is truly not worth giving up your relationship for this other person. So do allow yourself the time to grieve.
While you are going through the four steps above you will need to be putting more emphasis on working on your marriage.